Jump Into The Fog
by scaredofrobots
Summary: Remus visits Azkaban- he's looking for answers.
1. Remus

Remus Lupin stood on the edge of the entrance to Azkaban. An irritated auror stood beside him.

He got the sense that the auror thought this was a waste of time.

Remus had wondered if it would be a waste of time, but he had to _try._

He had to know why.

If not for the sake of his sanity then for Harry- for the memory of Lily and James.

He'd see Harry someday, and he would have to give answers.

It had taken a lot of paperwork. And pleading.

A few embarrassingly emotional conversations with Dumbledore before he was able to get the go ahead for the visit.

He had cowered for months. No one was left to plan the funeral, so it was left to him.

Dumbledore had sent Harry to Lily's terrible sister.

Remus had no real claim.

He had been something with Harry's godfather, but that didn't make a bit of difference under the law.

Especially when said godfather had betrayed his parents.

Remus had wallowed and cowered for nearly sixth months.

Until on James' birthday when he was piss drunk and going through his Hogwarts things, and he found a bit of parchment from Ancient Runes and saw Lily's familiar looping hand

 _ **Honestly, Remus I don't even know how you ended up in Gryffindor sometimes.**_

 **I don't either but here we are**

 _ **Stop being such a cotton headed Ninny Muggins and TELL HIM**_

 **I don't know who or what you are talking about**

 _ **Remus Lupin. You need to stop fucking doubting yourself and take initiative. You can't keep living in fear. We've got enough against us you can't keep being your own worst enemy**_

The rest of the parchment was filled with gossip that Remus didn't remember. As he traced his name in Lily's handwriting he heard Lily's voice in his head.

"Remus. Lupin."

Whenever any of them was doing something stupid, Lily would say their names in such a way that you could hear the punctuation.

She would've been the best fucking mother.

That kid would've been so loved and so scared of her.

They'd always joked about the howlers Lily would probably send.

" _ **."**_ Sirius would say in a shrill and over the top impersonation of Lily.

Then they would make up all matter of shenanigans Harry would get into at school.

Sirius' favorite was Harry stealing the motorcycle and landing on the whomping willow.

Something in Remus snapped.

Lily Evans would kick his ass if she knew he was sitting around doing nothing.

That he again was running away from some sort of confrontation with Sirius.

He needed answers.

So three months after his revelation- he stood in front of Azkaban to get them.

He felt like he was thirsty and needed to throw up all at once.

His hands were trembling as they were searched and he followed the auror into the void.

It was cold.

So cold and he felt the happiness sucked out of the air.

Not that he had a lot of happiness left.

They reached the cell, and the auror stopped Remus short. "You've got 20 minutes."

The only sound heard was the retreating of the auror's footsteps.

Remus didn't see Sirius. He heard some shifting in one of the corners.

He knew Sirius had been notified of the visit- so he called out tentatively, "Sirius?"

A rush of movement and then Sirius was clinging to him- his hands frantically touching his arms, his feet, his face . "Moony? You're here? This isn't a dream?"

Resisting the natural instinct to embrace him, Remus removed Sirius' hands and said, "Yes I'm here."

"Moony, Moony- you've got to- you've got to tell them -" Sirius was breathless- desperate.

"Tell them what? That you were the spy? That you betrayed James?" Remus all but shouted.

"James? He's gone- I saw them- Lily she's….HARRY! Find Harry- Hagrid took him...took him to that _bitch_. You have to get him back- back to our family and-" Sirius was pacing now, "Peter- he he….Peter….fucking rat-"

"You killed Peter, too, Sirius. Why? Can't you remember? Have you already gone mad?" Remus asked him sharply- trying to cut through the rambling.

"Mad? How long have I been here? I've been trying to make marks on the walls, but….too much to remember...has it been years? It feels like it...Moony….you have to…..you have to….tell them….I'm sorry….so sorry….I thought-"

Remus was incensed and cut him off, "You're sorry? You're sorry! Sorry that you betrayed the best people you'll ever know. Sorry that you killed Peter in such a violent way they could only find pieces of him….and for what? To support a man who spouts the very blood supremacist shite you ran away from? You're a coward, Black" Remus finished and the anger felt good. It felt right, and fair and-

Suddenly Sirius was clutching to him and was grinning madly, "No. No Moony. I'm not sorry about any of that."

"You fucking-"

"LISTEN TO ME," Sirius tried and was no longer smiling, "It's my fault- I was- I thought- I thought...clever….. not- trust….I'm too…. but...Harry….you have to- he's with that bitch and Lily would….fuck….."

"Breathe, Padfoot, breathe," Remus told him. "Start at the beginning."

He'd come here for answers. Shouting at Sirius never got that accomplished. Unless you were Lily Evans Potter. And she was gone. Remus had to do this his way.

After taking a few breaths, Sirius looked at him with tears in his eyes and started again, calmly. "It's all my fault you see….I didn't...I thought…."

Another breath and then, "I thought I couldn't trust you Moony. Peter….he was in my ear….you know how he would always _know_ things about people- he made me think you'd- you'd joined up to save yourself….."

Remus felt a pang of something like betrayal at this. But also….hadn't Peter planted the idea that it was Sirius to Remus. Hadn't he been sleeping next to a man for months and looking for any sign of betrayal hadn't he-

Sirius was rambling nonsense again, but Remus' mind was whirling- the puzzle pieces falling into place.

"You…..you switched? Didn't you?" Remus asked.

Sirius stilled and then was clinging to him again, "Yes- Yes Remus! Brilliant right? Who would expect the weak one? The one that never made sense? The marauder no one could understand?"

Remus couldn't breathe- of course. No one ever knew Peter's gifts. That he could work people. And he'd worked them. His friends. His brothers.

"Lily didn't like it- of course-" Sirius started, "but we thought it was just hormones- the baby- the war….she was pissed we were cutting you out. She didn't speak to me for weeks….."

"So…..you killed him….fuck Sirius- you should've found me! We could've-"

"He. Isn't. Dead." Sirius told him, "he's a fucking rat."

And Remus knew the look on Sirius' face. It was the look that would excite and terrify him in school. The face of someone who was looking to hatch a scheme.


	2. October 31, 1981

Sirius Black hated the rain.

Travelling by motorbike was usually a joy but not on a rainy ass Halloween evening.

He was headed to Lily and James' place for a surprise. He had some various Christmas baubles for Lily and a pumpkin full of treats for Harry.

He'd made sure to get a mix of muggle and wizard candy. Harry would grow up proud of his heritage.

It was to be the second stop of the evening.

He'd woken up with a sense of foreboding. Which, to be honest, was not uncommon.

They were at war after all. And it was much less glamorous than a Gryffindor might picture.

His first stop was to Pete's.

Since Lily had written to him that he was looking down, Sirius had taken the not so subtle hint that he was to check in on "Wormy" as Lily loved to refer to him.

He'd started checking on him weekly, and this week's visit fell on Halloween. He'd picked up some chocolate frogs for Pete and hoped it would bring him some joy. Pete _had_ seemed down.

Sirius imagined it was the isolation and the overwhelming stress of being the secret keeper that might be protecting the end to the war.

Or something.

Sirius landed a few blocks from Pete's place and wiped the water from his goggles and jacket.

He cast another impervius charm on his hair and headed down toward the house.

He arrived and walked onto the porch. After knocking a few times with no answer, he tried calling out, "Wormy! I've brought you some Halloween treats! Put down your damn book and let me in."

Silence.

A prickle on the back of his neck.

Something isn't right.

Trying the door handle he finds it unlocked.

Expecting the worst, he opens the door and enters the foyer.

Nothing.

Nothing is amiss.  
Everything is in place.

Everything is _immaculate._

Taking a breath and trying to keep his panic at bay, Sirius walks into the living room- perfect.

He heads to the kitchen, everything is perfect- too perfect. Everything is clean- no dishes in the sink.

He bounds up the stairs to the bedroom.

Perfect.

Everything is perfect.

Nothing is missing.

Except Pete.

No sign of a struggle.

Where could they have taken him?

How could they have taken him?

Pete would never- he can't….

It has to be given up willingly.

Blood pounds in Sirius' ears.

He can't hear anything but his heartbeat.

His mind is racing.

He is bounding back down the stairs and up the street to his bike.

Trying to comprehend.

Pete knew.

He knew Sirius would be visiting the Potter's tonight but wanted him to come here first.

He….must've….but no. A friend, a brother would never they must've tortured him or.

It has to be given up willingly.

It has to be given up willingly.

It has to be given up willingly.

That thought is the only one that Sirius can hear now. Why he was going to be the secret keeper originally because her would never fucking give it up willingly but they thought it would be too obvious.

It has to be given up willingly.

The fucking _rat_.

Sirius is airborne the minute he has that thought.

The fucking _rat._ He's got to find him.

He's got to…..

Lily and James.

And Harry.

He's got to go to Godric's Hollow.

He has to warn them, has to take them somewhere- anywhere.

He flies faster than he ever has before.

* * *

He knows as soon as he lands that he is too late.

The cottage is in shambles.

Magic did this.

Terrible, powerful magic.

Hagrid is there, standing in the rumble holding something small...Harry.

Sirius jumps from the bike and rushes over.

"Hagrid….are they….is he?"

"Gone….James and Lily are gone," Hagrid tells him and grief hits him like a freight train. Rage is there too, but the grief is so strong his anger seems like a whisper.

Sirius can't stop the sob that escapes him.

Breathe. He tells himself.

Breathe.

Needing to see for himself, he runs into what is left of the house.

At the door, James lays wandless and broken.

He heads to Harry's room.

Lily.

By the crib.

She died protecting their son.

Harry. He has to take Harry.

Sirius runs back to Hagrid and Harry is reaching for him, smiling at him.

"Hagrid," Sirius starts, "give Harry to me. I'm his godfather. I'll look after him. I need to take him. Keep him safe. It is what James and Lily wanted"

"No," Hagrid bellows, "Dumbledore's orders. He's ter go to his aunt's an uncle's"

"Petunia?!" Sirius can't help but laugh, "No. That's the last place he needs to go. Let me take him."

"I can't disobey me orders, Sirius," Hagrid tells him firmly.

Knowing he wouldn't get anywhere and that he has other business to attend to, Sirius relents.

"Let me say goodbye," Sirius begs reaching for Harry.

Hagrid helps Harry over and Sirius grabs Harry's chubby hand. He inspects his godson quickly. He doesn't know how much time he has. There is a large cut on Harry's forehead. Sirius curses himself for not knowing more healing charms. It will probably scar.

He kisses Harry's forehead and tells him, "I love you Harry. Your mum and dad loved you the most. I've got to go make something right. And then we'll be together. We will be a proper family. I promise"

Harry tries to kiss him back, which is mostly a nuzzle and Sirius can't help but smile through his tears, "I'll see you soon Harry, I promise."

Hagrid reaches for Harry and Sirius walks him back toward his bike. After a quick lesson, the bike roars to life and Hagrid is off.

Sirius stands, staring at the devastation he caused.

"I promise you Prongs. I will make this right. Harry will grow up loved and cared for and he will know how much you loved him," he tells his brother. "And Evans, I swear to you I will never let Harry think he is anything less because of his blood, I am so sorry."

Then, he lets the rage replace the grief. He lets the rage fill him and he sets off.

He's got a rat to kill.


End file.
